How to Recognize, Accept, and Survive a Lie?

Let’s be honest – we all lie. Whether we admit it or not. Statistics say that 60% of people lie at least once during a ten-minute conversation. In other words, chances are both you and the person you're talking to have "slipped something in."

Photo: AI

But why do we lie, and how do we deal with it without turning into paranoid detectives?

Why do we all lie?

People lie to protect themselves, avoid discomfort, gain something, or simply to make reality a little more bearable. Then there are the so-called "white lies" we tell to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Lies, as psychologist Mirjana Krizmanić once said, are in a way a necessary “social lubricant.”

We often lie to ourselves too. We tell ourselves we’ll start that diet tomorrow, finally clean the closet, or that we haven’t called our mom because we’re just so busy. Little self-deceptions that comfort us—but sometimes delay much-needed change. Self-delusion may be the most widespread (and socially accepted) form of lying.

How to spot a liar?

Lies are rarely told straight to your face—but the body and language can give them away:

Verbal cues: too much convincing ("honestly..."), too many details, repeated phrases, distancing language ("someone did" instead of "I did").

Non-verbal cues: avoiding or overdoing eye contact, nervous face-touching, stiffness, random bursts of aggression.

People who lie often try to control the conversation—steering it toward safer ground. If someone constantly changes the subject when you get too close to the truth, they might be hiding something.

One signal doesn’t make someone Pinocchio. But a mix of them? Now we’re talking suspicion.

How to accept that people lie?

It’s important to understand that not all lies are meant to hurt you. People often lie out of fear, awkwardness, or excessive politeness. Accepting this means not taking every lie personally. There’s a big difference between a malicious lie and a clumsy one told out of love (or panic). And if you’re going to judge someone—don’t forget your own little fibs.

People lie because they think the truth won’t be accepted. They fear your reaction, consequences, or being judged. In such cases, avoiding the truth becomes an emotional shield. That doesn’t make it okay—but it helps explain what drives them. Who knows, maybe you’ve stayed silent too, in moments when honesty required more courage than you had.

How to deal with lies?

In the family:Teach kids to be honest—without over-the-top punishment. With partners, know how to separate a dumb mistake from a real betrayal. Honest conversation helps more than accusations. Trust isn’t built with surveillance, but with openness and consistency.

Sometimes family members lie not out of malice, but fear of letting you down. If a father hides losing his job out of shame, that’s a lie born of powerlessness. In those moments, empathy helps more than scolding.

Among friends:Did a friend lie to you? Depending on the size of it, a conversation might mend things. Small lies are often cowardice, not cruelty. For bigger breaches—it might be time to set some boundaries.

If the lying becomes a pattern, ask yourself: is this friendship protecting me—or hurting me? Real friendship doesn’t have to be flawless, but it should be rooted in truth. Awkward conversations can be signs of closeness, not cracks in the foundation.

At work:Do the detective work—professionally. If a colleague steals credit, keep the emails. If your boss plays games, write things down. And if the entire workplace starts to feel like a nest of lies—it might be time to change environments.

Still, don’t jump to conclusions. Sometimes people lie just to get through the workday without added stress. But when dishonesty becomes routine, that’s a red flag.

The cost of lyingLies erode trust. One small lie can open Pandora’s box of doubts. Communication gets strained. Your reputation takes a hit. People stop taking you seriously—even when you are telling the truth.

Lack of trust builds walls. In relationships, families, and teams—without trust, everything becomes about second-guessing and control. And where there’s too much control, there’s very little joy or spontaneity.

Famous lies in history

The Trojan Horse – myth or genius-level scam? Either way, the naivety of the Trojans taught us a lesson that’s lasted over 2,000 years.Victor Lustig – sold the Eiffel Tower. Twice. If that’s not proof that people want to believe, what is?Nixon and Clinton – U.S. Presidents who lied to their nation. The result? Resignations, ridicule, and relentless satire. History doesn’t forget those who betray trust—no matter how high they sit.

Learn to live with it

Lies are part of daily human life. Some are harmless. Others are devastating. We can’t wipe them out completely—but we can better understand the motives, learn to recognize them, and build relationships where honesty is the norm and lies the rare exception.

Trust isn’t rebuilt through lies, but through consistent truth. And the best kind of relationship? One where you can look someone in the eye—without fear that your pupils will betray you.

If someone lied to you, it doesn’t make you less worthy. And if you lied to someone, it doesn’t make you a bad person. But it does mean you have a choice: will you keep building bridges—or walls? And no matter what—don’t forget: the truest things are rarely said with words. And that kind of lie? Rarely goes unpunished.