Why Communication Between Teachers, Parents and Pupils Is Harder Than Maths

If you think talking to teachers is easy, try remembering your last trip to the dentist — it’s about as comfortable as that. Everyone wants the conversation to go smoothly, but it usually ends somewhere between the teacher’s “Your child isn’t doing their homework” and the parent’s “But at home they’re an angel!” And then, of course, there are the pupils themselves — usually summoned only when someone needs a culprit. In short, communication between parents, teachers and pupils is a school triangle that too often turns into a love triangle — minus the love. I know that all too well, from experience.

Obstacles Everywhere

The biggest enemy of a good conversation isn’t maths or physics – it’s time. Parents work, teachers work, and a free slot for a meeting is about as rare as a parking space in front of the school. So everything gets crammed into five frantic minutes while other parents hover impatiently in the corridor. In those five minutes, you’re supposed to solve everything – grades, behaviour, even family issues. No wonder these talks sound like a rapid-fire quiz:

“Has he studied? – No. Is he polite? – Sometimes. Can we do better? – We’ll see.”

Obstacle number two: technology. In Croatia, we proudly boast about our e-Diary system. Parents love it – finally, they know the very second their child gets a bad mark. The kids? Not so much: “Mum, I didn’t even have time to hide the paper and you already know!” Yet, the digital revolution has shown that not everyone is digitally gifted. Some parents still don’t know the difference between an e-mail and a text message, and not all teachers are exactly keyboard wizards either. Throw a few grandparents into the class WhatsApp group and chaos is guaranteed.

Then there’s the communication style. Traditionally, schools spoke and parents listened. Today, it’s supposed to be a partnership – but old habits die hard. Parents still tend to call only when things are on fire, and teachers ring home only when someone’s fighting or forgetting their times tables. You’ll rarely hear a call starting with “Your child helped a classmate today.” The result? Parents dread the sound of the phone, and children ask: “What have I done now?”

Cultural Static

Add cultural differences to the mix and the show really begins. A teacher expects a child to look them in the eye – while in some families, children are taught that’s rude. Result? The teacher thinks the pupil’s being cheeky, the pupil thinks the teacher doesn’t like them, and the parents think the school doesn’t understand their values.

In some countries, parents volunteer in classrooms, bring cakes to events and organise quizzes. Here, it’s still often seen as “the school’s job”, so parents keep their distance. You end up with teachers wanting more involvement and parents wanting to be consulted – but rarely meeting at the same time, in the same place. Add the urban-rural divide: in smaller towns, parents and teachers may socialise outside school, while in big cities it all stays strictly formal.

When a Child Needs Extra Support

The most delicate topic of all: communication when a child has developmental or learning difficulties. Emotions run high, misunderstandings abound, and confidence is fragile. Parents want the best for their child, teachers genuinely try, but often lack the training or resources. If they’re not aligned, the child ends up receiving mixed messages at home and in class.

The best setup is a small team – parent, teacher, support specialist and, if needed, an assistant. When everyone shares information and aims for the same goal, the child gets consistent support. Even something simple helps: a daily notebook where teacher and parent jot short notes about how the day went. It sounds trivial, but it saves nerves on both sides. And when you spot a smiley face doodled in the margin – that’s a sign of real progress.

Expectations vs Reality

Parents expect regular updates, advice and the occasional compliment. They often get: “Your child didn’t hand in homework.” Teachers expect cooperation, trust and support. They often get: “My kid’s smart – you must be wrong.” And pupils? They just want to be heard and included, not discussed like a second-hand item on eBay.

Here lies the great misunderstanding: everyone wants the best, but everyone defines “best” differently. Parents want top marks, teachers want realism, and pupils crave peace and freedom. When those three worlds collide, the result is rarely harmony – more often pressure and frustration. That’s why the key question should be: “What are we actually trying to achieve?” Only then can we start building bridges instead of walls.

Restoring Faith

It’s not all doom and gloom. The e-Diary system, despite its flaws, has made things more transparent. Some schools are taking it further, involving parents in workshops – from cooking to sports days. In Hungary, parents volunteer as mentors. In Spain, parents launched a reading campaign that spread across the entire town. The lesson? When parents and teachers stand on the same side, the results go far beyond grades – they strengthen the community.

More schools are now hosting “Family Days” where parents and children join activities together. At one event, a teacher discovered that a dad who’d never attended a single meeting was actually a brilliant guitarist – he ended up accompanying the school choir. Not exactly in the curriculum, but it helped him feel part of the school family. Those moments are worth more than ten formal meetings.

How to Make It Better

A few ideas that go a long way:

Share the good news too. A simple “Your child was wonderfully kind today” is priceless.

Set communication rules. Midnight WhatsApps to teachers? Please, no. That’s what e-mail and official channels are for.

Include the pupil. Especially teenagers. If you’re discussing their marks, they should be in the room.

Be culturally aware. If your class is diverse, show curiosity and invite parents to share their traditions.

Make school a community. More joint workshops, fewer stiff monologues. Shared projects make difficult talks easier later.

Keep your sense of humour. A shared laugh melts tension faster than any rulebook.

School Is Not a Courtroom

On paper, communication between parents, teachers and pupils seems simple. In reality, it’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube while cooking Sunday lunch. But with good will, humour and a bit of creativity, it can turn into something genuinely positive. Kids pick up on that straight away – they feel safer, more motivated and happier.

Because in the end, the goal isn’t for parents to play police officers, teachers to play judges, and children to play defendants. The goal is for everyone to make school a place where we learn, grow and collaborate. And if we manage to laugh along the way – all the better.